Be the Change, they said.,
My Story
Growing up I was rather naive; I had no clue of what was going on. I hardly spoke English when I started school; everyone else spoke English, and I was already out of place.
My looks did not work for my benefit either; I was dark-skinned, fat and tall. I had a boy cut hairstyle and all I knew was to keep mum when questioned, either because I didn’t know how to answer or because I simply did not understand English.
This led my teachers to think I was stubborn and friends to think I was dumb. Desperate to fit-in I used to buy the boarding children ( the so called popular ones even though they were even dumber sometimes, I guess the money made all the difference) chocolates or simply chose to lie that I was dirty rich.
We deny truth when it becomes an inconvenience.”
―
identity crisis
Nobody liked me for me, the teachers nor the students. The very teachers who had to have a conversation with this confused kid who has no identity (aka ME) were the very one’s to make the value education class about me.
When students happily joked about all the lies I thought I was brilliant at telling, teachers laughed out loud at my back.
Lost in the Chaos
I was lost in humiliation, hated school, yearned for atleast one friend or a teacher who would see through me and tell me it’s all ok and I am just a kid and I will grow up to be ok someday.
At home
My parents on the other hand were the best parents striving to give me a school that most children yearned to get into, most expensive bags, stationery, provision at the best of their ability.
Except that they had no clue of what was school to me, who was I becoming nor did they think it was important. They in their best knowledge knew in order to give me everything they didn’t have or for me to have a good future, I needed to score well in my exams, do well in class and have no complaints from teachers.
Childhood is a beautiful time they say, but for me it was nothing but trauma. Trauma not because of great mishaps but small things that needed intervention, that needed guidance, that needed teaching, that needed understanding and most of all embracing.
“I was only a child”, I think most times now! “That wasn’t fair”, “I needed SPACE”, “I needed TIME”, “I needed to be a CHILD and let free to find my truth”.
Feeling suffocated all my childhood, I thought I was alone and it was ME !
“The Lier Me!”
“The Ugly Me!”
May be, “IT WAS ME”.
“I was dumb what can I expect?” “I was a fraud what can I expect?”
until!!
I stumbled upon many other kids! confused, lost, scared, scared!
This has to change! There has to be a space where a child is allowed to fail, to fall, but to get back up, stand rooted in his or her identity, walk confidently knowing he/ she is just enough to conquer the world or just to be!
Oxygen is a dream, a space I wish every child has. A space to breathe, a space to fail, a space to embrace, a space to grow!
Grow without expectation, grow without pressure! Grow as themselves unapologetically!